“How full is your bucket?” is a wonderful, short and poignant book that describes how the power of positive emotions and thought affects human beings. If you have not read this book, you should make every effort to do so. It is a must read in my opinion.
Tom Rath and Donald Clifton present an interesting metaphor with a bucket and dipper to describe interpersonal interaction and the way it impacts our emotion well being. It goes like this:
The Theory of the Dipper and the Bucket
Each of us has an invisible bucket. It is constantly emptied or filled, depending on what other say or do to us. When our bucket is full we feel great. When it is empty, we feel awful.
Each of us also has an invisible dipper. When we use that dipper to fill other people’s buckets – by saying or doing things to increase their positive emotions – we also fill our own bucket. But when we use that dipper to dip from others’ buckets – by saying or doing things that decrease their positive emotions – we diminish ourselves.
Like the cup that runneth over, a full bucket gives us positive outlook and renewed energy. Every drop in that bucket makes us stronger and more optimistic.
But an empty bucket poisons our outlook, saps our energy, and undermines our will. That’s why every time someone dips from our bucket, it hurts us.
So we face a choice every moment of every day: We can fill one another’s buckets, or we can dip from them. It’s an important choice – on that profoundly influences our relationships, productivity, health and happiness.
9 out of 10 people say they are more productive when they are around positive people. I know I am. Being around a positive person is contagious; they create energy and help raise the mental well being of those they are around. You can really feel it. You are able to think more clearly, be more creative and get more done. It is the truth. Are the people you are around focusing on the positive or the negative? Have you ever walked away from someone feeling drained? I have. That feeling almost undoubtedly came from them dipping from your bucket. Repeatedly focusing on the negative doesn’t do anyone any good. You have a choice as to whether you will participate or not. I suggest you avoid commiserating – think about it – it is CO MISERY.
They say you have 20,000 to 50,000 individual thoughts every day. These thoughts are driven by the hundreds (or even thousands) of interactions that you have each day. Each interaction has either a positive or a negative feeling or outcome that comes out of it, rarely is it neutral. Not only do you have the ability to make a conscious decision to let these interactions effect you, you also have the ability to shape the outcome of these interactions with your own positive involvement. The book suggestions that the “magic ratio” of positive to negative interactions is 5 to 1. Don’t assume this book is suggesting some sort of Pollyanna outlook, you cannot avoid some negative interactions in terms of discipline for poor behavior – that is clearly necessary at times. It is simply suggesting that most forget (or don’t know how important it is) to adjust their interpersonal interactions to the proper ratio. And, it has some great ideas and guidelines for integrating these concepts into your life.
Try keeping a record count for just one day of your interactions with those you work with. Make two columns and draw tic marks for either a positive or a negative outcome of an interaction. How did you stack up?
Buy this book, read it (over and over) and live it.
Burgess Falls State Park is a state park and state natural area in Putnam County and White County, Tennessee, located in the Southeastern United States. The park is situated around a steep gorge in which the Falling Water River drops 250 feet (76 m) in elevation in less than a mile, culminating in a 136-foot (41 m) cataract waterfall.
